Oroskotiomkin – la rispostaccia delle stelle

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Oroscopo dal 10.03 ad libitum

illustrated by Gava

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LA SETTIMANA DELL’AMORE! In amore vince chi fugge. Bene, hai vinto. Pensa che sfiga tutti gli altri che hanno perso, ma hanno scopato molto più di te.

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Ariete

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ARIETE

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Hai la Luna in quadratura col cerchio e diversi pianeti non ancora scoperti in opposizione. Stai a casa.

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Toro

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TORO

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Inutile perdere le staffe alla guida, Toro: il rosso scatta per tutti.

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Gemelli

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GEMELLI

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Settimana negativa per il lavoro e l’amore. A meno che non facciate coincidere le due cose. Nel caso prevedete uno sconto a chi fa gli oroscopi.

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Cancro

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CANCRO

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Avete presente quella sensazione in cui pare che tutto il mondo ce l’abbia con voi? Non è solo una sensazione. E non è colpa del vostro deodorante.

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Leone

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LEONE

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Questa settimana ti sentirai davvero il re della foresta. Consigliati viaggi in Amazzonia e nel Borneo.

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Vergine

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VERGINE

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E’ evidente che non credi nell’amore a prima vista, Vergine.

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Bilancia

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BILANCIA

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Hai la sensazione che il mondo ce l’abbia con te. Beh, è vero, brutta testa di cazzo.

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Scorpione

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SCORPIONE

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Siete diffidenti non amate mettervi in mostra, ma quando attaccate briga siete pungenti e fate sputare veleno a chi vi contraddice.

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Sagittario

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SAGITTARIO

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Condividi il tuo segno con Woody Allen, Beethoven e Maria Callas. Parliamoci francamente: pensi sul serio di poter fare di meglio?

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Capricorno

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CAPRICORNO

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Trascuri il divertimento da troppo tempo: si capisce dall’elenco telefonico su cui cerchi la videoteca più vicina.

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Aquario

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AQUARIO

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Finora non sei riuscito a concludere quello che volevi, ma dopotutto domani è un altro giorno. E magari tu non ci arrivi.

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Pesci

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PESCI

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Siete veloci ed agili, chi vuole prendervi non può permettersi di chiudere occhio. Per voi stessi sentite di meritare un’altra vita violenta e tenera se vuooooooooi

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Ofiuco

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OFIUCO

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 Novità assoluta! 

Non sai quando sei nato? Menti sull’età? Non credi nell’astrologia? L’Ofiuco è il segno che fa per te!

Incontri proibiti all’orizzonte, quindi resterai solo ancora per un po’.

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